Valentine's Day

     So, it is Valentine’s Day everyone, but do we really know what that means.  Valentine’s Day or The Feast of Valentinus is a Roman Catholic holiday celebrating the martyr Valentinus.  Valentinus was executed by the Roman’s on February 14^th 496 ad.  What did he do you ask?  I will tell you.  Valentinus was a devout Christian with but a few vices.  Chocolate was number one!  In the Roman Empire at the time, Chocolate was sacred and was illegal to consume.  It was thought to be the excrement of the god Bachus himself, the god of “all around good times”.  Because of this it was forbidden to be ingested and was only to be stacked in a golden chamber pot and worshiped all of February: even then known as the shittiest month of the year.  Well, Valentinus just couldn’t help himself and at a friend’s house emptied the golden chamber pot and licked his fingers clean saying “Diet starts tomorrow boys!!”  His second vice was drawing a design that looked like an upside down butt on top of all the letter ‘V’s in his letters to his friends and family.  This is where we get the traditional, although highly inaccurate, heart shape.  Valentinus’ third and final vice was the one that got him sodomized, drawn n’ quartered, poisoned, decapitated, and fed to rats.  He had a love for writing terrible love poems.  So, on this Valentine’s Day I would like you all to remember what we are celebrating.  I will now leave you with one of his own favorite love poems.

Roses are Red
Violets are violet
Chocolate is brown
Hearts are shaped like ‘V’s with butts on top
But you, you are specialer to me than all