STATE OF THE UNION 2032

STATE OF THE UNION 2032: The President stands on the steps of the Lincoln memorial looking out on a crowd of loyalists

 

My fellow North Americano’s we are again at a crossroads in our great nation’s history.  We are a nation divided once again by an ideal.  An ideal that our fore fathers fought and shed their blood for.  Again we face a problem with no easy solution.  As we have learned time and again what is easy is not always right.  The simple fact remains that after thirty years the television program American Idol must be canceled.

Eighteen years ago if you had told me that I would be standing in front of you, this great nation torn asunder again by a war that pits brother against brother, as your president.  I would’ve told you: you’re whack.  But now I stand here Justin Bieber your president pleading to a wayward nation to begin to heal this rift. 

This nation has had to endure many hardships.  December 7^th 1941, September 11, 2001(never forget), and the recent atomic attack of the New England section of the United States in the hopeless attempt to wipe the “Harvard Elite” from this earth.  Moments that shall live in infamy.  Thinking about these dark days could lead us to lose sight of the good that has come in the 21^st century.  The annexing of Canada for one, and the passing of the 35^th amendment allowing canucks like myself the right to run for president, and two days ago when I learned what the word infamy meant(LoL). 

Like our nation I had my fair share of troubled teenage years.  In fact I was deported from this great nation at the height of my music career.  I, like the country that I loved and still love to this day were both suffering from something called “affluenza”.  But as the Bible and YouTube.com taught us there will always come a day of judgement. 

All this does not change the fact that today I sign into law something very controversial.  Perhaps the most controversial document ever penned, but a necessary one.  When I sign this document the television program American Idol will no longer be legal to produce or watch.  This decision may not be popular, but it is the right one.  It is the one that reaffirms the belief that all men and women of this country and their children and their children’s children, are born with the right to the pursuit of happiness.  Happiness, ya know that word has such a special meaning today.  It seems so far.  I assure you, however, that happiness is on the horizon.  God bless Usher, and God Bless America!!  DON’T STOP ‘BELIEBERING’!!!! 

Hold for applause then robo-journey and the corpse of Steve Perry are brought out to fireworks and the chorus of Don’t Stop Believing echoing on repeat over and over.  At which point the mechanized war machines are deployed to Simon Cowell’s secret bunker to dispatch the fuhrer of pop music.