Grey Hair and Asparagus Pee

Grey Hair

A graceful mark of age,
A silver lining,
A reminder of change,
A unique streak of beauty,
  Salt and pepper studs with soft grey touches,
Black and white and sepia


Asparagus

There is a time for rhyme
And a time for pantomime
A time that they crossed the Rhine
There is crime
  and parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
But no matter the time
Asparagus makes your pee smell funny

River City Sups

River City Sups

 

     The River City.  It is a place that has burned down two or three times and is still rising from the ashes.  A place where city councilmen use city funds for their weekend getaways.  And the indigent roam the street, because there is no shelter for the tired, hungry masses, but there are multi-million dollar mansions bought with old money and old blood, overlooking monuments to soldiers of a war that they lost.  A river teaming with whitewater surges through this little metropolis.

     In this grimy town sits a college that is slowly but surely buying up the poorer neighborhoods and gentrifying all in it's path.  Crime, sex, drugs, and corruption, run rampant.  And who will stand against it?  Who will be the beacon of light in this dark city?  Who will bring this city forth from the ashes?

     These guys?

 

Skyler Farmer, AKA; SCREAMO: (21)  A supersonic howling hipster screaming in the night.  His singing will BLOW YOUR MIND.  A college student and dorm security guard by day majoring in, what else, homeland security.  By night he is the unofficial leader of this vigilante crew.  At odds with sometimes it seems like the whole city.  What can this young man do in the face of such destruction?  

(his arch nemesis: NEIGHBOR RON)

 

Trip Longbow: (20)  He has never missed a target and never will, he walks with an effortless shuffle and slouch, but in his heart beats a hero's drum.  He and Skyler are roommates at 204 N. Vine St. the headquarters of the River City Sups.  This heroic marksman is the beer pong and corn hole champion.

( his arch nemesis: Drunk Mike)

 

Arnold Fishburne, AKA; WYLDEHEART: (21)  Call him Arnie... I dare you.  Strong and kindhearted, but there is a part of him that you can never touch.  And a secret beast within, always ready to spring forth and berserk.  If you give him a bottle of whiskey he transforms into a near invincible monster, which comes in handy when fighting crime, but the hangover is killer. 

(arch nemesis: Metal Bobby) 

 

Together they make up three members of The River City Sups!!!

 

next issue: Meet the Whole Crew!

 

 





Jonah Hill

     So, can I go down on whoever Jonah Hill did to get his career.  Is he a scientologist or something?  He starts off as the least endearing chubby, funny guy of all time.  He loses the weight so he is now a not so funny, svelt jackass and now gets Oscar nods.  Was it so long ago that he was in that terrible movie: Grandma's Boy, where he was playing second fiddle to Nick Swardson and 3rd fiddle to whatever the main dude's name is?  Maybe it is because he is SO GOOD at improvising dialogue.  For proof here are some dialogue excerpts. 

SuperBad
"Bro"
"F*** you bro."
"No F*** you bro, you F*** it up."
"F*** bro, that wasn't F***'ing cool bro."

The Wolf of Wall Street
"Bro f*** you bro."
"No for real bro F*** you bro."
"Bro F*** bro."
"F*** you bro."

Oscar worthy!!

If I'm Too Rough: Don't Play

"Where ya going Jacky boy?" Val said without looking up from her shiny blood red nails.  Jack stopped, and leaned on the desk that she sat behind.
 "My usual answer would be 'Nowhere fast'," he said with a smirk.
"Let us dispense with the usual, it is so dull after all."  She kept on examining her nails.  Jack scanned the desktop, for her cigarettes and helped himself to one before saying: " I will dispense with the usual answers, if the questions change."  Val put down her emory board, swiveled her legs out from under the desk crossed them and said, "Fine.  How about where are 'we' going Jacky boy?"
"Where would 'we' like to go?" Jack said and lit his cigarette, as he leaned across the desk toward her.  She swiveled her chair again, put her elbows on the desk, and her chin in her hands.  She rolled her eyes, raised her eyebrows and spoke coquettishly saying, " Oh I don't know... any place that is far away and secluded where hopeless romantics can go to be oogled over by a tall dark and handsome man. 
"There ain't no such place sister," Jack said as he leaned away and blew smoke in the air.
"You're no fun."
"I'm mean too."  Jack said and stood up to walk down the corridor and out of the office.
"Just a little rough around the edges," she said and went back to manicuring.
"Serrated maybe?"
To that she chuckled and said: "They certainly broke the mold, Jack Covington."
Jack took a drag off his cigarette and said: " I like to think that I am the mold that they scraped off the bread that they wanted to keep."
"And what am I?  The expired mayonnaise?"  Val said with a laugh.
"No you are white wonder bread tastes good, but no nutritional value."
"You ARE mean," she said looking up from her nails.
"If I'm too rough, don't play, besides, I left my kid gloves in another life."  Jack turned away from the scowling woman and exited.

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Fear

My dear Fear
Oh Fear, my dear
The only love I have is for Fear itself
You are always near, my dear
Though I try to silence you
It is so clear, my dear
That it is you who owns my ear, my dear
You are wife, mother, lover, you are born from me, my dear
And yet you birthed me
Always here, my dear
No love, no hate, no drive
Only Fear, my dear
Impulses and compulsions are all
Without you I know not which way to steer, my dear
Oh Fear, my dear, Three cheers for your omnipresent leer my dear!

Another Excerpt Of The Bible 2: The 'New' New Testament

The BIBLE 2: The ‘New’ NEW TESTAMENT

DUDE’ eronomy

Ch.9 V1

St. Peter’s Post Revelations, Revelation:  The thoughts and ramblings of Heaven’s eternal Doorman

The Ten Commandments?  Are they relevant now that the Earth is gone and we are in heaven?  The simple answer is yes.  For a more in depth deconstruction and explanation of the Ten Commandments read on.

 

1.Thou shalt have no other gods before me.  Yep he is still pretty big on this one after all it is the reason you are all here.  You believed you repented you prayed, you got in.  The hard work paid off and you got into your first choice so I guess you better show some respect.

2.Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.  Don’t believe that the lord God is jealous have I got some stories for you… Really!!!  Just don’t bow down to any idols.  Even if you meet some soul walking around heaven and you realize it is former American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson, do yourself a favor and just walk on by.  It is not worth the trouble.

3.Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.  He is pretty serious about not calling him unless you really need to talk to him.  He is a pretty busy man these days.  Since the world ended the influx of souls wanted a quick jaw wag with the big guy has grown exponentially.  It is best to make an appointment.  Of course he is always ready when I call his name.  But I try not to bother him too much anymore.  He still really hasn’t gotten over the whole denying him three times thing… I mean Jesus Christ, how long is it going take for him to get over that one god damn moment of indiscretion. 

4.Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.  This one doesn’t matter anymore.  If you wish to count the days you can although it is pointless.  The days will turn into weeks, then months, then years, pretty soon it will be eons and who cares.  Every day is the Sabbath.  We are resting and celebrating his holiest every day.  You have no jobs, you have no reasons to worry, no money, no disease.  So Chillax already.

5.Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.  You no longer have any fathers or mothers.  If their soul ended up in the same plane of being as yours fine, you can honour them if you want.  The point is it is not necessary.  They gave you life brought you into that world and that was great.  But that life has now been refunded and because of that you no longer owe that life debt to the one’s that birthed you.  If you would still like to hang out with them and argue about politics go for it.  Just know that there are a heck of a lot more souls here to get to know.  I mean don’t you want to meet Elvis?  Just kidding he is not here.

6.Thou shalt not kill.  You can’t kill that which does not live.  To my knowledge you can’t kill a soul.  In heaven there are no murder mysteries.  But there is a pretty good library of true crime.  And for some reason plenty of Russian novels with which to pass the time.  Time which has no meaning… never ending time… it just goes on forever and ever… sigh.

7.Thou shalt not commit adultery.  No marriage, No wives, NO PROBLEM!!!

8.Thou shalt not steal.  Possessions are tricky, there aren’t any that I know of, so if you end up stealing something I would like to know who “had it” and how did you and they “get it”.  I mean we aren’t even corporeal beings how could you even pick something up? 

9.Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.  No neighbours, sounds like heaven, am I right?

10.Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.  Coveting!  It is still pretty bad.  But then again nobody has oxen or asses or manservants anymore so whatever. 

If I had to come up with one more a number 11 if you will in this list one that makes more sense now that we are all in heaven.  I think I would have to say “Thou really should go and talk to that guy Philip Seymour Hoffman.  He was a great actor.  And he knows the ropes up here.  He has been here for like 5 years now.”