Tuesday, June 3, 2014

SELF HELP


WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN HOPING YOU ARE NOT EXPECTING AND SUSPECT THE UNEXPECTED ISN’T ALL THAT GREAT:  Do not EXPECT people to tell you the truth when speaking about your child.  Always EXPECT someone to say “she looks just like you!” she doesn’t, but they will say it.  She actually resembles a flesh colored potato with a tiny face, but they will tell you which great aunt’s and uncle’s they resemble within ten minutes of birth.  EXPECT they will never agree with you politically.  Do not EXPECT them to take care of you when you grow old, by then there will be a panel of Jonas brother types that decide the fate of everyone over 50.

THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING?:  Positive thinking leaves you powerless.  It makes you ignore the truth.  That no matter our thinking we are powerless against the cruel mistress that is the universe.  Not to say that negative thinking is any better.  Best to not think at all.

MEN ARE FROM MARS/WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS:  If men are from mars and women are from venus, then there are no earthlings.  We are all just tourists in fanny packs and tommy Bahama shirts hoping to see the sights.  Tip check out the world’s largest pumpkin.

WHAT COLOR IS MY PARACHUTE?:  Your parachute is there.  It does not matter what color it is.  If you have a parachute it means you are falling.  You may be falling slower than others, but you are still falling slowly towards the endless abyss. 
ZEN AND THE ART OF STUFF THAT ISN’T THAT TRANQUIL:  To the motorcycle mechanic, motorcycle maintenance is work

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