Alex's Birthday

Alright so I got liquor balloons some gifts, I think I am done.  Man I hate shopping for someone.  They say it is the thought that counts, but if that were really true why can’t I just walk up carrying nothing and say “Hey I thought about you.”  I mean clearly I have been thinking.  I am constantly thinking.  In fact all I have been thinking about lately is what to get her for her birthday.  She isn’t going to like the gifts.  That’s ok though because she likes me so she has to pretend.  I mean if the situation was reversed I would smile and be like “no I love it, I really do.”  Saying “I really do” usually means you really don’t.

How is it that no matter where this balloon is it is in my way?  It is one balloon.  How could this one balloon be so disruptive?  I look in the rearview the balloon is there.  I look in the side mirrors the balloon is there.  I turn my head to check my blind-spot and the balloon floats into the way.  This balloon is going to cause me to get in a horrific deadly accident.  This balloon is going to inadvertently kill me.  That will teach her not to like the gifts I picked out.  I die on the way to her house with a balloon and some dodgey gifts.  It would be so tragic.  So romantic.  I would be remembered as the best boyfriend ever.  Not just some guy who was too cheap to spring for more than one balloon.  How beautiful it would be, she would have to remember these gifts forever, as the things I died for.  How tragically beautiful?  Fuck this fucking balloon is pissing me off.