20 pounds

            I realized today that if I lose 20 pounds I will be happy.  Wait, it isn’t that I am not happy now, I just know that if I lose 20 pounds right now I would be happy.  The thing is which 20 to lose?  Let’s just say for the sake of argument I lost something unimportant like my pinky toes and my pinky fingers.  I am pretty sure this wouldn’t amount to even a pound of flesh.  A quick google search informed me that the human head weighs 10 to 11 pounds, but I only have one of those to lose.  My head may be more dense than most, but losing my head would only lose me 13 pounds at the most.  Maybe I should get diabetes and lose a foot, that has to be at least a couple pounds.  I would say we could go ahead and get rid of my testicles but that wouldn’t make a very big dent in the 20 pound goal.  The pitfalls of losing my testicles though.  I would be like one of those male soprano castrato singers, but without the voice.  It also would probably cause me to have crazy hormonal fluctuations.  But other than that, honestly who needs them? 

I really have never really enjoyed eating, it usually gets in the way.  I mean first there is the actual process of eating which in itself is cumbersome.  Do I really have to count to 36 every time I chew a bite of food?  Then there is how you feel after you eat.  And pooping is extremely over rated.  They say that you spend 1/3 of your life asleep, I would say I spend another 1/3 on the toilet.  That only leaves a 1/3 of my life to find the best place to eat brunch, which probably takes up more than that.  That is it, I am quitting eating.  I read somewhere it is good to set attainable goals, and come up with a plan to achieve said goals.  Done and done.