Brunch!!!

A BRUNCH DIALOGUE!!!

“what are you thinking about?”
“actually I was imagining that they have a giant vat of mornay sauce back there in the kitchen, which made me wonder what it would be like to jump into a giant vat of mornay sauce”
“can you float in mornay sauce.”
“ I am not sure, I imagine it would be more like quicksand, the more you struggle the further you sink.”
“I can’t imagine not being able to float in water.”
“maybe it would be so thick that you would stay on top as long as you were placed atop, with a crane very gentle like.”

“I am hot  Are you not hot? Its hot in here isn’t it?”
“I am warm.”
“It’s hot.”
“yeah.”
“You don’t think it is hot?”
“I said yes it is warm in here…”
“You don’t seem affected.”
“What is it you want… you want me to complain and say that I am uncomfortable?”
“I was just saying I am hot.”
“It is hot, you are hot, it has been noted.”

“How do you get rid of a hangover.”
“Sleep… water.”
“Maybe I will sweat it out.”
“You are in the right place its soooo hot in here!!!”
“Screw you.”
“I betcha it would be a lot warmer in a vat of mornay sauce.”
“Ugh bathing in hot cream to cure a hangover…”

“Are you going to eat your pickle?”
“I dunno I hadn’t thought about it yet… maybe.”
“Well let me know…”
“They should make sleeves to put around pickles to protect your sandwich.”
“But I like it when the chips get a little pickle juice on them…”
“Well yeah sure half soggy pickled potato chips are great but I mean to protect the bread of the sandwich.”
“Maybe they should have pickle condoms.”
“That’s practicing safe sandwich.”
:::sounds of  a pickle being eaten very slowly:::

The BLOG BLOG Blog

Welcome to the BLOG Blog-
 Where we talk about blogs and all the blogging people who love to blog their little blogging hearts out.  All these bloggies blog all blogging day long.  They blog and they blog and they think we give a blog about what goes on in their bloggie brains.  In the opinion of this blogger they should all be blogged in their blogging blogs and then go blog themselves.    
Until next Time  
Blogward J. Blogington
Cheif Blogenginere of the BLOG BLOG Blog

The King Of Partytown

His stumbly shadow is creeping up the alley, penetrating the ghostly light
     The king stomps through as if falling towards something
     Away, distant music, the sound of revelers in their prime
     He finds a quiet spot to lean and relieve himself

     The world is his urinal this king, this giant, this emperor, of this Party Town
     Fumbling with his royal scepter, just in time, he sighs and pays tribute to the cobbles
     Kings ne’er lose balance, the wire fence is kind enough to support
     He extends the royal palm and greets the fence with a kingly grumple and glurp
     A sprightly puss scurries forth from a waste bin with a mew and a hiss

     “FUCK YOU KITTY!”

     The King yells, for a cat is nothing to a King
     A mongrel awakened by the commotion of the King’s visit
     Rushes to the fence to get a closer look at the dark regal figure
     They bark and howl at one another ‘til they both succumb to wheezes and pants

     The King lets out a glorious hiccup that shakes his majestic frame
     Breathing through dragons nostrils
     The King empties his tyrants stomach
     What a gracious King for this second gift to the city
     The imperial spasms begin to subside
     The King of Party Town wipes his lips and saunters on into the night
     In search of more libations and revelry

     The way back has been blocked by metallic monsters
     Blue strobe lightening bolts shooting from their heads
     The King turns his nose up at these party poopers and strolls on
     Party Town ain’t what it used to be he thinks
     Perhaps a late night dip in the cleansing river
     A King’s baptism

     The river city is teaming with life as the King of Party Town sheds his clothes
     A man, a myth, a legend, a giant, a GOD
     The water holds him as he gazes up
     At the city
     His CITY!
     “I OWN THIS BITCH!!!”  he screams into the night

Another long lost letter from Rasputin's young Lover

My Darling Rasputin,
                               Your essence is like oxygen to me.  I keep dreaming of you wondering when my mystical pilgrim will return.  When will he bring an end to this eternal Siberian winter.  I yearn for your mystical throbbing scepter.  Without you I am the empty, barren tundra.  I still feel you where you were inside me and I want you there again.  Return to me oh Rasputin my love or love is dead. 
                                                          Das Va Danya
                                                       Svetlana Banglanka
P.S.  OMG!! I heard you were anti-war me too.  Of course, we have to do what is good for mother Russia, but not at the cost of innocent lives.  Oh you are so smart and cute I want to kiss you right on your scraggley beard.  SMOOCHIES!!!

GUM!

             My Chinese friend Gum and I were driving in the car and he was telling me about how one time he disintegrated.  All of his cells and particles and atoms dissolved out into the Universe.  In this moment he felt a complete deep spiritual connection with the Universe.  More than a connection in fact, he was the universe.  In that instant he became every blade of grass blowing in the wind.  He felt the plight of the homeless and indigent and felt the immortality of the rockstar.  He was the morning dew and a cloudy sunrise bleeding orange, red and purple sweeps across the sky.  To him it seemed he was consciousness.  It was at this point that it all came to him.  The answer to the eternal question.  A meaning to this life.  A purpose to these seemingly random events and to natures cruelty.  I asked him what the answer was and he responded.  “I dunno dude… I forgot.” 

That Picture of Food Looked So Good

Dear FoodyDuder.blogspot.com,
    First off, let me say that I am an avid reader of your BLOG.  I enjoy your insight into the wonderfully delectable world of food.  You always floor me with how you structure your sentences in a way that you literally put foreign tastes in my mouth.  It is sometimes unsettling how you invade me orally.  I keep coming back for more because like you I am a food lover.  Recently you began posting pictures of food with your BLOG posts and for the most part they have been just as mouth-watering as your commentary.  This is where my “beef” with your BLOG begins.  The latest picture of your Grandma’s Lasagna was so vivid, so life like, in a way almost sensual, and at the same time lurid.  When I saw it an urge came over me, ripples of excitement went up and down my spine, I found myself filled with desire.  Before I knew it I had taken a bite right out of my IPAD.  After the third bite I realized that I was not tasting Lasagna, but the latest hip apple technology.  It was not your grandmothers homemade marinara running down my chin, but blood, the blood of a fool that dared to dream.  Somewhere between the second and third bites is when I began to think something was amiss, but I thought a healthy addition of parmesan may fix the problem.  It was all for not.  When I left the hospital the next day, I was informed that I could not eat solid foods for the next two months.  I have not gone to your BLOG since this incident so as not to tempt myself to break my sutures in another orgiastic food frenzy.  Even though I still love your BLOG with all my heart, it has ruined me physically, emotionally, and dare I say sexually.  I thought you should know FOODYDUDER… a BLOGGER has a responsibility to his fans.
                        FUDLUVR@gmail.com

A Farewell To Summer

Dig Dig in don't let the wind pull you away
Keep the air in your sail and the wind at your back

Feel the sun on your face
And wet your feet in the water of life

Cartwheel in the quicksand
And dance in a monsoon of fire

Howl bark, scream, and yulp
'til your throat is screaming

Kick sand in their faces because they don't know shit
Build a castle and lay siege to it

Pillage and burn the battlements!
Hit the deck, Hit the deck
Crawl on your belly when your feet give out
Punch God in the face
Piss off the Universe
This is all there is and time is running out