Tuesday, September 25, 2012

That Picture of Food Looked So Good

Dear FoodyDuder.blogspot.com,
    First off, let me say that I am an avid reader of your BLOG.  I enjoy your insight into the wonderfully delectable world of food.  You always floor me with how you structure your sentences in a way that you literally put foreign tastes in my mouth.  It is sometimes unsettling how you invade me orally.  I keep coming back for more because like you I am a food lover.  Recently you began posting pictures of food with your BLOG posts and for the most part they have been just as mouth-watering as your commentary.  This is where my “beef” with your BLOG begins.  The latest picture of your Grandma’s Lasagna was so vivid, so life like, in a way almost sensual, and at the same time lurid.  When I saw it an urge came over me, ripples of excitement went up and down my spine, I found myself filled with desire.  Before I knew it I had taken a bite right out of my IPAD.  After the third bite I realized that I was not tasting Lasagna, but the latest hip apple technology.  It was not your grandmothers homemade marinara running down my chin, but blood, the blood of a fool that dared to dream.  Somewhere between the second and third bites is when I began to think something was amiss, but I thought a healthy addition of parmesan may fix the problem.  It was all for not.  When I left the hospital the next day, I was informed that I could not eat solid foods for the next two months.  I have not gone to your BLOG since this incident so as not to tempt myself to break my sutures in another orgiastic food frenzy.  Even though I still love your BLOG with all my heart, it has ruined me physically, emotionally, and dare I say sexually.  I thought you should know FOODYDUDER… a BLOGGER has a responsibility to his fans.
                        FUDLUVR@gmail.com

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