…A continuation of the untitled buddy comedy that I began
writing on June 8th 2014
This
was not happening. My heart was pounding
in my throat, as my knees trembled, shaking the yellow flowered shower curtain
that I held around my waist covering my lower half. The shower curtain made sense it was an
object I knew well, one that was real.
That; was comforting. But as I
stood there naked and staring at the little green man who had somehow just
forced his way out of my anus, I was forced to concede that reality may have
just left the room and went for a quick walk around the block. “Listen Slick you may want to sit down…Ya
dig… yous whiter than white big fella and ya don’t look to sturdy neither…” The little green man said as his bulbous
yellow eyes peered at me over his wayfarers.
This could not be. This should
not be, I thought. Things like this do
not happen. Strange little green hep
cats just don’t climb out of a person. I
concluded this wasn’t happening, and that this must be some sort of figment of
my imagination. I don’t know why, but
when I finally had enough air in my lungs to speak, I informed the green man of
my thoughts on his existence or lack-there-of.
“You must be some kind of hallucination.” I said to which the little green dude said,
“Listen pal I am as real as it comes, dig the sunglasses man, ya know I keep it
real. Ya better believe it baby. Shit.”
He laughed nervously as my eyes stayed affixed to this apparition. “Sit down brotha man, before ya fall
down.” I sat. What else could I do?
A few
hours later, the man had coerced me into leaving the bathroom and entering the
kitchen. Where he, or it rather; asked
me if it was cool if he made some food.
My non-committal blank stare was taken as a yes, and he went to work on
making us some eggs. He began to hum the
song “Low Rider” as he cracked a beer, and two eggs. The sizzle of the frying pan awoke me from a
dream-like state, and I suddenly became aware that all I was wearing was the
yellow shower curtain. The curtain had
lost the ability to make me feel safe, and was now just a reminder of how truly
vulnerable I was. I made a tentative
squeak, and then said “Uh little man, I am going to go get dressed, do you
mind?” “This is Su casa homey, do what
ya gotta, eggs’ll be ready in a minute, you like ‘em sunny?” “Whatever” I said and went into the bedroom.
I
looked around the bedroom. The queen
size bed, that had felt so huge since Vicky had left, wasn’t made. In truth it hadn’t been made in weeks. Three weeks she had been gone. I found my jeans on the floor and pulled them
on. I smelled the black tee-shirt
hanging over the desk chair before putting it on. It still had one more use in it before it
needed to be laundered. Once dressed, I stood
and breathed and listened to the sounds of a little green man cooking eggs and
humming to himself, from the other room.
A little green man that had come from…
Thinking about it made me queasy.
Fight or flight. I was never much
of a fighter, Vicky had left and I hadn’t said a word. But, I stayed didn’t I? I stayed in our place, she had fled, when it
got tough. I looked to the window with
the red drapes that Vicky had picked out.
I went to it and opened it, the night air rushed in. If I climbed out and down to the street I
could run and keep running and put this apartment, and Vicky’s Drapes, and this
little Green hipster far behind me. But,
why should I run? This was my
place. This was mine. Who was he?
Who was this intruder? A more
basic instinct took over and I began to search the room for a weapon. Under the bed I found my old aluminum teeball
bat. It may have been small but it was
easily wielded, and made sturdy. If the composition
of the little green man’s head was similar to that of a humans, one good hit
could incapacitate, a few could kill.
…To Be Continued…
